Pregnancy: a new journey!

Whew! The emotions that come from learning that God has put life inside my womb is everywhere between being overwhelmed with joy to being completely terrified about the things to come.

Here is the story of my journey to pregnancy thus far. I plan to be brutally honest, because I think it will tell you more of my heart and will help you understand my emotions that run deep within my heart.

Some of you may or may not know that I have been desiring to have children for a little while. At times I was content knowing God had a perfect plan for me and other times my heart ached when it seemed like every one around me was announcing that they were expecting.

My best friend, just had her third baby. I told Brian at one time, if she has has a third baby before I had one that I was not going to be a happy camper. Of course, I was being playful and kidding. I said that mostly because I had hoped we could be pregnant together one day! When she told me she was having another, I think she may have thought I would feel sad. The moment I heard a huge smile spread across my face and I was overjoyed for her! In the beginning of June she had her sweet little boy and I couldn't wait to hear her voice telling me she welcomed a new little one into the world. I was pacing around, waiting for her phone call. Then all the sudden, one morning I woke up with a broken heart! "God you have given her three, can't you give me one?" I begin to dwell on this thought for the morning and I realized, this is jealousy, and jealousy is nothing but a big fat sin! I acknowledged that to the Lord, apologized whole heartily and sincerely. I wept fore several moments. I remember being tempted to not get in the Word that morning, but then I told myself, "No, my flesh is really waring against my spirit and I need to be in the Word even more today." I asked God if He would just show me how to pray. I always struggled between praying with BELIEVING that God would open my womb because I wanted to be sensitive to the Lord's will if He chose not to give me children too. So, I just begged God that morning to just show me how to pray about this area of my life. I opened up my devotion book and this was the passage that was layed out for me.

Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for NOTHING, but in every thing by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known unto God."

After I read that, peace FLOODED my heart! I said, "Okay God , I get it, thank you for your answer! You want me to pray about this, You do not want me to worry and fret about this, and you want me to be THANKFUL!" And that is how I prayed that morning, casting my burden at His feet and thanking Him for not being able to conceive yet and thanking Him for His perfect plan for my life.

Looking back now, it's amazing to think about but it was sometime that very week that we did conceive. That makes me want to cry every time I think about it.

Now here is update of pregnancy thus far in case you have not heard the story. I waited a long time before I took a test just because I would try not to get my hopes up too much or take the chance of getting a false negative and having to test again. When I did test I was pretty late, however I fully suspected it would be negative because I was having some cramping. So I was washing my mouth out while I was waiting for the results and before I began brushing my teeth I thought I would check to see if the results were ready yet. When I did I read "pregnant" and I am telling you the truth when I say my eyes almost popped out of my head. I put it down a couple of times and paced the bathroom floor and re looked at it just to be sure I was reading it right and didn't miss something the first time like the tiny word "not" before the word pregnant. Then for a moment I thought, "this can not be right! I should probably take another one." It is so true when people say it is hard to put your faith in a little stick. Then my rational side came into play and remembered, you can not get a false positive. If it says positive, then I am definitely pregnant. When that sunk in I instantly fell on my knees, right there in the bathroom, cried out to God with joyous tears and thanked Him for the life He had placed inside me. Through this journey of waiting, that is one thing He has really shown me that HE is the giver of life and HE is the One who opens up a woman's womb.

Then I just couldn't hardly stand it before I got to tell Brian, so that morning I went to Kroger and bought a vase, a late birthday card, and blue/pink candy. I mixed the candy, put it in the vase and signed the happy birthday Daddy card from Mommy and baby Bond. I had to wait until that afternoon to give it to him which was way hard because I thought I would die from eagerness!
Brian is of coarse very happy about being a Daddy. I must say, he has been AMAZING in this process! I always thought he was a sweet guy but he has gone above and beyond about being supportive, rubbing my back when I am at the toilet, encouraging me to rest when I feel bad, helping out more since I have been sick, always checking on me, and not letting me carry anything heavy. Praise the Lord for such a sweet man!

The most popular question I get when sharing our news with people is, "How are you feeling?" At 5 weeks and 6 days (which was 2 days after I found out) the sickness began! That week I was so sick, all day, every day. Pretty much all I did was laid on the couch and watched tv. I felt horrible. I was so nervous about going back to work caring for 3 little ones being so sick, and then that following Sunday I learned I was getting another week off. I of course couldn't share with everyone then why this was such a blessing, but I thank the Lord for that extra week because I stayed very sick that week as well. The following week I went back to work and it seems like since then the sickness has slowed down to mostly mornings. There have been a few days I have felt sick all day, but not many, and sometimes in the evening I get sick. I am still vomiting most mornings, however again I am so grateful because since my boss is home right now, she has been allowing me to come later in the morning and it seems like the sickness is mostly passed by the time I have to leave. Honestly, pregnancy could not have come at a better time!

I had my first appointment with a new Dr at 8 weeks and Brian went with me. I was praying hard about the appointment because it seems like I have had bad luck in the OB/GYN area, however, he was beyond nice, very calm, and had a sweet demeanor. I felt peace right away. Brian really liked him as well. After the appointment Brian took me to get a strawberry tropical smoothie. Yum, my favorite! He said I earned for having to get poked with needles:)

So here, at Brian's party I was about 4 1/2 weeks, although I didn't know it. This is the closest thing I have to the one month mark.
Then this is me at the 8 week mark (in the same shirt). It is definitely beginning to pooch just a little at this point. The reason for 2 pictures is because Brian said I cheated on the first one and made me retake it. Whatever! Even still you can see the little pooch in the 2nd picture too.
Of course, now at 10 1/2 weeks the people that know me well and see me often can definitely see the pooch now.

We had the first ultrasound at 9 1/2 weeks. It was AMAZING! Brian and I were just grinning the whole time from ear to ear! It was so awesome hearing our baby's heart beat and seeing him/her for the very first time. The baby was moving like crazy! He/she was kicking it's legs and moving it's arms in every direction. I am hoping the kid turns out to be crazy and goofy like me:)

After that we felt good about sharing the news with our parents. They were all very excited! Mom has been praying for this for a little while, and of course this will be Steve and Vicki's first grand baby. They were a little more than excited. Since we got to tell them in person, we had them come over one night. Vicki collects willow tree angels so we bought them the Grandma and Grandpa one. Vicki thought we were lying at first and wasn't sure if she believed us, but once she did, her happiness broke loose! They are beyond thrilled!
The next time we saw his parents, we had went to their house and on the porch in front of the door was the biggest jar of pickles I have ever seen! Ha, isn't that so funny? And yes I have all ready eaten several! I feel like all I do these days is eat all day long!
We are not going to be finding out what we are having. We think it will be fun to keep it a surprise. It is hard to know what to buy though. I bought 3 outfits so far. I probably won't buy much more, just because I hear everyone buys you clothes or shares them with you. But, I had to buy just a little something to get the itch out. I bought 2 boy outfits, and the other is more neutral that I think a boy or girl could wear.I thought this one would be cute because we are thinking about doing a monkey theme for the nursery.

And I had to get this one since Brian likes super hero stuff.
And this one I thought would be okay for either sex.

This is the bedding that Brian and I love from Babies-R-us. I am not sure if it's girly enough, but since we are not gonna find out the only option is wait to decorate until after the baby is born or just do it neutral for all our future babies to share. Most think it is all right some don't think it is girly enough for a girl. What do you think?
Well, sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to share the highlights of this new journey with you!